


Almost

by taemorrow



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, Drug Abuse, Force Choking, M/M, Self-Harm, Suicide, dubcon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-21
Updated: 2018-02-06
Packaged: 2019-03-14 23:01:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,329
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13600278
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/taemorrow/pseuds/taemorrow
Summary: Kyungsoo finds it all too easy to give up, but Jongin will have none of that. He won't let Kyungsoo go down without a fight.





	1. Glass Skin

The clock strikes three fourty-five in the morning, Kyungsoo lays entirely awake on a bed full of tossed blankets and dried cum.

This is the start of Kyungsoo's downward spiral. He had been depressed and suicidal before, but through years of therapy and taking better care of himself, Kyungsoo had made it through. He had been doing so well, up until recent. Kyungsoo is not sure why but he snaps and he feels apathetic, but at least he still feels something.

He sits up on the bed, the man he slept with was long gone and Kyungsoo could see the bruises forming along his arms and stomach. He wants to smile because this is what he wanted, but he can't find the desire, so he doesn't. Instead, he reaches over to his nightstand and pulls out a box from the bottom drawer. The box isn't decorated, nor does the lock on the front work, but Kyungsoo widens his eyes as though the box was a sight for sore eyes. Months prior he had looked through the box to remind himself on how much he wanted to keep fighting and stay alive, but tonight did but the opposite.

Kyungsoo unwraps the blade from a cloth it was hidden in. He wastes no time in bringing the blade to his hips, heavily applying pressure to his skin as he slides the blade across his thigh. Kyungsoo flinches at the sharp pain but continues nonetheless until he begins to see oozing blood from the wounds. He closes his eyes and takes shallow breaths of air.

He knows he should stop cutting himself, but he hates himself. Kyungsoo thinks he deserves the worst, but with nothing happening in his life, he makes sure he can set out to receive the punishment he deserves.

* * *

Kyungsoo arrives to work a little late, since he couldn't be bothered to get out of bed. He doesn't care if he's under fire for continuous tardiness though. He works at a small bookstore in Busan, it's a little rundown and not much traffic comes in. Usually it's just two workers at a time, and thankfully Kyungsoo nearmost always works with his best friend of three years, Kim Jongin.

Kyungsoo slowly enters the bookstore with his tousled red hair, black and white checkered shirt and black pants. He has bags under his eyes since he only slept for two hours after he finished cutting.

"Soo-!" Jongin wants to greet Kyungsoo warmly, but he notices something is off about his best friend. He's noticed it three weeks ago too, but he didn't say anything then either. "Hey, uh...you alright?" Jongin removes himself from his spot behind the counter and walks to Kyungsoo begins to walk pass him to the backroom.

"Yeah. Why?"

"Just asking..." Jongin notices Kyungsoo is out of uniform but he keeps his comment to himself because he knows it's rare when their boss comes to visit the store.

 

An hour into the shift and Kyungsoo is stacking some books away in a furthest corner of the bookstore. Jongin is reading something at the counter so he doesn't return when he hears a few creaks from the front door to signal someone entered. He continues to stock up the shelves in peace until he hears footsteps behind him.

When Kyungsoo looks up for a second, he notices it's just a regular who comes here too often and always tries to get Kyungsoo's attention. He's good looking, sure, and around his own age but Kyungsoo had never thought of giving this guy the time of day. Until today, perhaps. He just looks away again and continues his task.

"Hey, Kyungsoo." The giant awkwardly raises his hand to wave at the latter whos still on his knees stacking books.

Kyungsoo glances up again, but this time his eyes catch on to the bulge protuding in the tall male's pants before Kyungsoo looks up at him. "Hello, Chanyeol."

The male must've noticed Kyungsoo's stare because he utters something beneath his breath and turns away to shield his crotch from the other male.

Just then an idea sparks in Kyungsoo's mind and he turns away from the shelf he was restocking to crawl on his knees towards Chanyeol. "Someone's happy to see me." He smirks up at Chanyeol when the male blushes and looks away again.

"No need to be shy, Yeol. It's perfectly normal to have a hard-on for a bookstore clerk you've been crushing on for months. Finally seeing me on my hands and knees rather than imagining it must be a nice change." He notices how nervous Chanyeol has gotten and he can't help but to continue.

Chanyeol bites his lip before he looks down at Kyungsoo's doe eyes.

"Come on, Yeol. Are you gonna let me touch it?" Kyungsoo begins to run his finger along the outline of Chanyeol's bulge and he can see how the taller shivers from his light touches. "I know you want me to." He smirks when Chanyeol shifts his stance so Kyungsoo has better access to the front of his pants.

"O-Okay." Chanyeol's face is a deep red and his voice is a little shaky.

Kyungsoo takes control then. He carefully unzips Chanyeol's pants and slides down the latter's pants and boxers until they're hanging mid-thigh and the half-hard cock is exposed. Chanyeol's dick isn't too thick, but the length decently makes up for it and Kyungsoo almost gets too ahead of himself as he thinks of how it would feel to deepthroat the cock. Kyungsoo makes sure to keep his hands away at first, leaving kittenish licks around the base of the cock. He starts to run the flat of his tongue along the length before he wraps a hand around the base and takes in the head. He's awarded with a faint whimper from the latter, and Kyungsoo loves how Chanyeol throws his head back when he swallows more of the length.

He begins to hollow his cheeks and pump the dick with his hand, creating a rhythm as he bobs his head. Kyungsoo suddenly feels a hand entangle in his hair and he can't help but hope that Chanyeol pulls at his hair, but he doesn't. The grip does tighten, however; once the head has successfully reached the back of his throat and he hears Chanyeol moan a little louder this time.

Kyungsoo loves how deep the male's voice is and that's all he hears as he continues on sucking the male off. He knows Chanyeol is close because he can taste bitter precum at the back of his throat, and it's so enthralling that he begins to run a palm over his own clothed bulge. He's too caught up in the moment to hear another pair of footsteps sound behind him.

Chanyeol doesn't seem to notice either as he pants and mutters to Kyungsoo about how much he's imagined this moment. His head is thrown back and he's just about to cum when Kyungsoo pulls away and looks up at Chanyeol with those big doe eyes again.

"Cum on my face." Kyungsoo's voice is raw and a bit scratchy, but still stern.

Chanyeol looks down at him, still not acknowledging the person standing at the end of the aisle. He's slightly confused at first, but he's seen enough porn to get the idea. Before he takes too long he begins to stroke himself in front of Kyungsoo. If it weren't for his fantasy coming true enough to send him over the edge then Kyungsoo parting his lips to eagerly taste the cum certainly did him in. He finds himself moaning rather too loudly and cumming all over Kyungsoo's cheeks, and mouth. And a little in his hair and eye. It's not romantic like Chanyeol wanted his first sexual experience with the bookstore clerk to be but it is what it is, and he's too blissed out to feel anything else.

Kyungsoo wipes the cum from his eye, and licks his hand. Though before he can say anything else to Chanyeol he sees the latter on the ground and a hand over his jaw where he seems to have been punched. He looks up and sees Jongin, nothing but hatred in his eyes and his hands clenched into fists.

"Get the fuck out!" He yells at Chanyeol and the boy is quick to tuck himself back in his pants before he shuffles on his feet and out the door.

"-the fuck is wrong with you?" Kyungsoo continues to wipe the cum from his hair, his voice still raw but tone casual as though he didn't have a dick in his mouth a few seconds ago.

Jongin turns to look at Kyungsoo, seemingly baffled as to how Kyungsoo is acting. "WH-" he sighs, "What the hell are you thinking, Kyungsoo?!" He watches as the male finally stands and his heart aches when all Kyungsoo does is smirk in response. "Showing up late- blowing random fucking guys- at work. Kyungsoo-" he pauses for a second to recollect his thoughts. "Kyungsoo, what's going on with you?"

"It's none of your fucking business. Unless I'm sucking you off, you have no say in anything I do." Kyungsoo's smirk is gone and his arms are crossed in front of his chest. He's no longer amused.

Jongin shakes his head. He can't comprehend why Kyungsoo is acting the way he is, but he can't stand it. He doesn't want to see his best friend like this. "Stop talking like that. You're not some worthless piece of trash that fucks strangers and shows up to work crossfaded.-" Jongin hates how it took him so long to say something to Kyungsoo about his behavior, but he's glad he finally did. Even if this isn't how he wanted the conversation to go- onesided and lots of yelling. "I've noticed, Kyungsoo. I've noticed the hickeys on your neck and bruises on your arms. I've noticed the fucking red eyes and slurred speech. I've noticed it all and-"

"Well congratulations! You finally grew a pair! That's not gonna change anything." Kyungsoo's voice breaks at the end and he didn't notice when but he feels something warm slide down his cheek and he realizes he's crying.

Jongin is about to speak again but Kyungsoo doesn't let him get a word in before he walks away and storms out of the bookstore.

He needs to forget everything. He needs to feel numb and Jongin won't let him let go of reality. He hates Jongin.

 

Kyungsoo ends up on Green Street, which happens to be the biggest red light distric in Busan, but he's not there to pick up a prostitute.

He ends up getting fucked in some forty-something year-old man's car and then again in an alleyway on his way home.

By the time he's home he's in the shower, washing away the blood coming from his limbs. A mixture of cuts he just applied to himself and wounds from the rough sex he had an hour prior. He falls asleep that night easier than he has all month, and he's thankful he doesn't work the next day so he doesn't have to face Jongin.

* * *

It's been about two months since Kyungsoo blew Chanyeol in the bookstore, and Kyungsoo hasn't stopped- whatever it is he's doing. He continues to fuck strangers and Chanyeol isn't the last to have been blown in the bookstore. He's caught one day that Jongin isn't there and he's fired on the spot. Kyungsoo doesn't care though. He stopped caring a long time ago.

He's lost a lot of weight and the bruises have not just stayed on his arms and torso, but they begin to appear on his face too. And he has marks on his throat, something roughly in the shape of a belt. He hasn't been to his apartment much unless he's wants to sleep in his own bed or he's too sore from being fucked to go anywhere.

Kyungsoo also hasn't talked to Jongin since a week after the incident with Chanyeol. Kyungsoo told Jongin to stop calling him and beating up the guys who he fucks at his apartment, tells him that he doesn't want to be his friend anymore. But Jongin hasn't stopped checking up on Kyungsoo from time to time, and each time he only feels more like a failure from seeing his best friend practically dead.

 

Kyungsoo in the middle of being fucked from behind when he feels a familiar sensation around his neck. He can feel the cold leather tighten a little too much and he coughs, but he doesn't yell at the man to stop. He justs lets himself be choked, until his vision becomes a blurr and he passes out from a lack of oxygen.

He wakes up again sore, and Kyungsoo just wishes the man would've just pulled hard enough to make sure Kyungsoo didn't wake up. Because he's tired and he knows the man still continued to fuck him after Kyungsoo passed out because he feels dried cum on his lower back and thighs.

Kyungsoo finally lets himself cry that night, curled into the fetal position on the kitchen floor of his apartment. They had never made it ot the bedroom and Kyungsoo had never been able to close the door, so there's a sharp breeze that hits his naked form and causes him to sob harder. He remembers the last night he cried, when he tried bondage and discipline and the Dom had ignored the safe word one too many times so Kyungsoo was bleeding afterwards. That was a day after he had his fall out with Jongin.

He's trash and he knows it. He deserves this.

 

There's some days when Kyungsoo thinks about taking a break from all of this, but then he remembers that prostitution is how he's still paying for his apartment. Sometimes he thinks of what it would be like to be fucked and still loved and he laughs at the thought because who the fuck would love a piece of shit like him?

He cuts himself a little deeper when he has these thoughts. One night he cries again because he realizes he has no one. No one cares about him. He has no family. No friends. Only connections. Only dealers and customers. He could end up in Nakdong River, on the news and the only headline would say is 'unidentifiable prostitute found washed up on shore of Nakdong River'. No one would know him, no one would care if he was dead. His anxiety kicks in and he has panic attacks often, but there's no one there for him.

He's alone.

And that's no one's fault but his own, because he pushed everyone away.

* * *

Jongin quits the bookstore when he finds out Kyungsoo was fired and for what reason. He doesn't want to be reminded of Kyungsoo's downward spiral into depression. He works at a small coffee shop now, and he likes it because his coworkers are nice and it's close to his university. But he can't help but think of Kyungsoo every night and day. Even when he gets into a shortlived relationship with one of the girls that frequents at the coffee shop.

It's been three months since they've spoken, and he finds himself outside the door of a familiar apartment. He's thankful he doesn't hear loud panting or a creaking bed as he stands quietly outside, too afraid to knock yet. But he's also scared because what if Kyungsoo is hurting himself or he's unconscious. What if he doesn't even live here anymore and this apartment is vacant? He takes a few deep breathes to will his anxiety away and brings himself to knock on the door.

Jongin hold his breath as he waits for the door to open, and it feels like an eternity until he hears the unlock sound. He isn't sure what he's expecting but he's feels relief in seeing Kyungsoo dressed in normal clothing and no fresh bruises or marks on the male. However, Jongin does notice how loosely the clothes fit on him and how the latter's cheeks have sulken in.

Kyungsoo looks so delicicate and fragile, like he could break at any second. And the thought makes Jongin feel sick to his stomach because he wants Kyungsoo to be happy and healthy, ....not..like this.

"Are you gonna say something or just stand there like an idiot?" Kyungsoo's eyelids feel too heavy and he wants to close them and go back to sleep, but he humors Jongin by staying there.

Jongin's words are caught up in his throat. He wants to say something. He wants to tell Kyungsoo how much he's missed him and thinks about him a lot. He wants to tell Kyungsoo of his new job and how much Kyungsoo would like it there. But he doesn't, because he's too caught up in the sight before his very own eyes. He feels like he's about to fall to the ground and start crying because he let this happen to his best friend. He let Kyungsoo get to this point. _He_ let him. Jongin feels sick to his stomach all anew and he has to hold back choked sobs, but he feels the burn at the rim of his eyes as he holds back the tears.

Jongin doesn't have to say anything for Kyungsoo to understand. Kyungsoo can see every glimpse of emotion in Jongin's eyes. Joy, disgust, pain, even a little lust mixed in. He just takes Jongin's hand and leads him inside the apartment because he doesn't want to wait and stand at the threshold before Jongin decides to do anything. He leads Jongin to the couch and forcefully sits Jongin down, whos just looking at him unknowingly.

Kyungsoo rolls his eyes and disappears for a minute before returning with a ziplock bag of weed. He sits on his shins in front of the coffee table and ignores Jongin as he loads up his pipe with the herbs. Kyungsoo is about to take a hit when Jongin grabs his wrist and stops him. He doesn't look at Jongin though, only sighs before he speaks. "I need it. ....You do too."

Kyungsoo doesn't look up until he finally hears choked sobs escape Jongin and he snaps his head around to look at the male.

"I'm sorry, Soo. I'm s-so sorry." Jongin is looks down at Kyungsoo's freshly cut arm and cries even harder. "I'm sorry I didn't protect you. I'm sorry I let this happen. I'm-"

Jongin is cutoff when he feels Kyungsoo slap him. He's so shocked that he's stopped crying and he just looks at Kyungsoo with tear-stained cheeks and red eyes.

Kyungsoo doesn't say anything, but he hits Jongin again. And his hits get harder and more sloppy and he's punching Jongin's chest now and crying and whimpering. Because he doesn't know what else to do. He's tired and angry, not at Jongin though. At himself for hurting Jongin and making him think it's his fault. He doesn't even want to hit Jongin but he can't stop because he's so frustrated and all he wants to do is cry for days and sleep. He wants everything to just stop and he wants to _live_. He doesn't want to keep fading.

Jongin grabs hold of his arms and pulls him into his embrace, and the latter is now sobbing into his chest. He just holds Kyungsoo tightly, never wanting to let go because he's afraid if he does then he'll lose _his_ Kyungsoo forever. "Please. ....Let me help." His voice is shaky and he's trying to hold his tears from spilling anew because he has to stay strong for Kyungsoo. "Please."

Kyungsoo stays sobbing in Jongin's arms, but he shifts closer to Jongin and nuzzles his face into the latter's neck in response.

Jongin takes the gesture for what it is and holds onto Kyungsoo for the rest of the day. Holds him until they fall asleep in the same spot on the floor of Kyungsoo's living room.

* * *

It's been two weeks since Jongin showed up at Kyungsoo's door that one night. And Jongin has tried to clean Kyungsoo up as much as he can, picking up the pieces of Kyungsoo's life as best he can. Kyungsoo still goes out at night but Jongin is never around when he does. He's stopped doing most drugs, except smoking weed because it helps him relax, and a few too many sleeping pills every now and then because Kyungsoo can't seem to fall asleep well.

Kyungsoo is reading, sitting comfortably in Jongin's lap and head rested against the latter's chest. Jongin is just staring at him, lovingly yet still cautious.

"Move in with me." Jongin interupts the silence and Kyungsoo just blinks up at him.

He stares at Jongin for a while before he looks back at the book and continues to read. "Okay," he replies simply but he feels something unsual in his chest when Jongin readjusts his arms to pull Kyungsoo closer. He feels warm.

* * *

Jongin is happy when he comes home from work and he finds Kyungsoo curled up on the couch like he was waiting for Jongin to come home. He happily carries the male back to their shared bedroom. It wasn't meant to be shared, so Kyungsoo still felt a little in control but Kyungsoo had actually been the one to insist on the change. Jongin made no arguments, he simply let it be.

He's thankful when he picks up the latter and he doesn't feel his stomach drop at how light the other is in his arms. Kyungsoo has noticeably restored color in his skin, no longer seeming like glass as it had before. His cheeks are fuller and his ribs don't stick out as much as they used to since he moved in a month ago. The change has made Jongin happier than he's been in years.

Though things are still not that easy. He still panics when he gets home and Kyungsoo isn't home, and shows up at three in the morning with fucked up and dirty clothes, tousled hair and bites on his neck. Jongin shouldn't get as angry as he does because he and Kyungsoo aren't dating and they're not committed to each other, but he still finds himself heartbroken when he notices these nights. And Jongin still finds fresh cuts on Kyungsoo's thighs sometimes when the male is walking around the apartment with nothing but a long t-shirt the covers barely enough of the petite male so he's not completely exposed. He's sure he's taken any sharp object away from Kyungsoo's reach but the male always finds something new to make a blade out of.

 

Unfortunately, tonight it's one of those nights when things aren't so good. When he comes home, he isn't greeted with a cute and sleeping Soo on the couch, but instead with the hallway lights turned on and muffled cries coming from noneother than the bedroom. His heart is racing and his jaw is clenched because he hears skin slapping on skin and he's hoping Kyungsoo is just watching porn again. But he knows what's going on, and it hurts him to the core. He panics a little when he hears Kyungsoo crying, telling the male to stop. Jongin flinches when he hears a loud slap that sounds around the apartment and a deep-voiced man tells him to 'shut up and take it like the filthy slut he his'.

Jongin can't take it anymore and he breaks down the bedroom door, and the lock. He scans the room until he sees the door to the bathroom open and the man taking Kyungsoo under the threshold. Jongin swears he sees red because he's so pissed and he pulls the man off his best friend and begins to beat him. So much that the man stops moving and Kyungsoo has to stop it because he swears Jongin is about to kill him.

"He's not worth it! Jongin, please stop! J-Jongin-!" Kyungsoo is back on the ground, a hand over his face.

Jongin hadn't noticed when he hit Kyungsoo, but he did and he snaps back to reality once he realizes what he did. "Kyungsoo..." His voice is strained but low and deep. "I'm so sorry-"

"-It's okay. I'm okay." Kyungsoo forcefully smiles at Jongin, whos now next to him on the ground analyzing his body that is covered in forming bruises and blood-

"Did he do that?!" Jongin raises his voice again and he can feel the anger resurface, until Kyungsoo attentively reaches out and holds his arm back from hitting the man again.

"Jongin, please don't. It's okay, I deserved it-" Kyungsoo's eyes go wide as Jongin cuts him off.

"NO YOU FUCKING DON'T. YOU DON'T DESERVE GUYS LIKE THESE TREATING YOU LIKE SHIT, DO YOU HEAR ME?!" Jongin stops himself when he sees Kyungsoo begin to cry, and he sighs. "I'm sorry- It's not your fault."

Kyungsoo just cries more and gets up to runs into the bathroom despite all the physical pain he's in.

Jongin is about to try to open the door when he decides to remove the unconscious man from his apartment and drags himout and leaves him out on the street. Near the dumpsters, where he belongs.

When Jongin returns to the apartment, he doesn't hear Kyungsoo's cries anymore and a new form of anxiety and panic instills in him for an entirely new reaons. He runs to the door and tries to open it but it's locked from the other side. "KYUNGSOO! KYUNGSOO PLEASE OPEN THE DOOR! PLEASE! KYUNGSOO-"

Jongin is surprised when the door opens and he doesn't find Kyungsoo in a pile of blood or fresh cuts on his precious skin.

Kyungsoo's eyes are red and puffy and he's still nude but he's not bleeding anymore. Jongin is relieved. "I'm sorry, Jongin." He speaks somberly and with a hint of regret in his tone. It breaks Jongin's heart, and he finds himself pulls the latter into his embrace but not before he takes off his coat and wraps Kyungsoo in it.

Jongin kisses Kyungsoo's temple, and they stay like the for a few moments before Jongin decides to clean up Kyungsoo.

 

Some twenty minutes later and they're in the bed, huddled together under the blanets. Kyungsoo is fast asleep, his head resting on Jongin's chest and bags are formed under his eyes from the tiredness. Jongin makes sure to hold Kyungsoo closer that night, and hopes that tomorrow will be a good day since he doesn't work and he can spend the entire day with Kyungsoo.

* * *

A month has past since the incident with the older man and Kyungsoo doesn't seem to be going out any more. Instead he stays home and reads the vast collection of books Jongin has in the living room. Most of them are nonfiction, but Kyungsoo likes to read them anyway because he's always had a knack for learning new things.

Jongin never mentions Kyungsoo getting a job to help pay rent or ask him when the last time he cut was. He doesn't need to because Kyungsoo will always answer his unasked questions for him.

Jongin also doesn't have to worry when he doesn't find Kyungsoo asleep on the couch, because he's either in the kitchen or in the study.

He comes home one day from school and he finds Kyungsoo outside on the balcony, sitting with his legs drawn towards his chest and his face in his knees.

Jongin feels a tug at his heart because he's sure Kyungsoo has been crying all morning and he's probably just wanted someone by his side to hold him and tell him everything will be okay.

"Hey, Soo." Jongin gives the latter a warm smile and all Kyungsoo does is look up at Jongin with big red doe eyes and a runny nose. Jongin takes a seat next to Kyungsoo and turns the petite male to face him.

He looks calm but also very sad and it pains Jongin to see him this way.

Kyungsoo switches his seating so he's now curled up in Jongin's embrace and his face nuzzled against Jongin's neck. He's not crying anymore but Jongin still makes sure to wipe away the tears and wipe his nose too. His heart is aching and he feels shameful for not being able to distract Kyungsoo from all of his problems and insecurities.

"I'm sorry, Jongin." Kyungsoo whimpers and looks like he's about to cry again, but Jongin kisses his forehead and shushes him.

"You have nothing to apologize for." Jongin analyzes Kyungsoo's eyes and he sees that sense of desire to self destruct and harm himself again. Jongin feels his chest tighten.

"You've been nothing but patient and kind to me. And all I've done is caused more problems for you. I'm not worth it. Your time and your care." He lets out a choked sob and shakes his head, a hand reaching over his arm as he begins to scratch himself.

Jongin places a hand over Kyungsoo's to stop him before he begins to bleed. "I don't have to do this. It's a choice and I'm all in. I want to be here for you and take of you; and do you wanna know why?"

Kyungsoo sniffles and looks at Jongin's eyes and sees no hatred or disgust anymore. "Why?"

"Because I love you, Kyungsoo." He pauses and Kyungsoo wants to cry again but he lets Jongin continue. "I want you to be happy again. I want you to live and I want to be by your side. When I look at you, I don't see failure. I see my best friend that lost his way and wants to keep living. I see a Kyungsoo that loves to learn and desires to keep his head in a book rather than the real world because he's scared of his own demons." Jongin's voice is soft, and for the first time in a long time Kyungsoo feels completely safe. "Kyungsoo, I know you've had a rough past, but that doesn't mean you're worthless. It doesn't mean you're gone forever. It means you're human and you can still feel. It means that you can get through anything you set your mind to. And if you can't do that alone right now then that's okay because it's okay to ask for help. ...And I'm more willing to be that person for you, Soo."

Kyungsoo doesn't know what to say. He wants Jongin to know how much he's helped him in the last few months and that's he's very grateful. But he also feels like he doesn't deserve the kindness he's getting, but it's Jongin and his best friend has never lied to him. Not once. "Thank you," is all Kyungsoo can say for now. But he holds back the thought that if he was going to allow help from anyone, he's glad it's Jongin and not someone else.

 

The preceeding days and weeks go by smoothly and Kyungsoo doesn't seem to be harming anymore. Jongin can tell he's smiling genuinly and Kyungsoo has been more lively than he has been in the last half year.

Sometimes Jongin ditches both school and work for a day at a time so he has more time with Kyungsoo, but he never tells the male. Not that it would matter anyway because he was doing well in both aspects of his life.

Kyungsoo begins to feel more confident again and he tells Jongin he wants to go back to school. But he has to wait because the schools aren't currently accepting applications since the deadline has just past. Kyungsoo is more than okay with that because he has more time to decide what he wants to major in, even though he's pretty sure he'll lean towards East-Asian culture studies.

He begins to leave the apartment again, but he comes home before nine at night and he's not going to Green Street nor Texas Street. He usually goes to bookstores and libraries and purchases books to bring home. Sometimes he visits Jongin at work and stays in the cafe until Jongin is allowed to go home. Kyungsoo doesn't tell Jongin but he also starts looking for jobs because he feels like he needs to pull his own weight since he feels emotionally and physically better.

 

Kyungsoo is happy when he hears back from a bakery that's only a block away from the apartment, and it closes early so he won't be tempted to stay out on the streets like he used to.

Jongin is in the study, working on his part of a group project for one of his classes, when Kyungsoo bursts through the door. He's wide-eyed and he's about to tell Kyungsoo he's busy and to go watch tv until he's done, but the smile on the latter's face is too big and too genuine for him to shun the other away. "What's going on?"

Kyungsoo just bites his lip and runs towards Jongin who just ends up hugging him because he still doesn't know what's going on.

"I got a job!" Kyungsoo finally speaks and he sounds so happy. "A real one, not like the ones I had before." Kyungsoo doesn't need to elaborate for Jongin to know he's talking about prostitution. "I mean it's just a small job at a bakery, and the shifts aren't too long but I can start saving up for school again!" His voice breaks and he doesn't realize he's begun to cry. "Jongin, I'm....f-finally getting back on my feet."

Jongin can't help but hug the male tighter and pull him into his lap. To any random person this wouldn't seem like much, but Jongin knows what Kyungsoo has been through and he can only be happy for him because this is actually a really big deal. Kyungsoo had a breakdown, he relapsed, but instead of self destructing again he's begun to try and make something out of himself. It's baby steps, but they're something and Kyungsoo is just crying. "I know, I'm so proud of you. ...I'm so proud, Soo."

* * *

At the end of Kyungsoo's first week working at the bakery, he's curled up on Jongin's lap. He's allowed to take home some left-over pastries and he's currently digging in the bag to pick out his favorite for Jongin to try.

He picks out a crossiant looking pastry with red bean paste filing. He rips a piece off and presses it to Jongin's lips.

The male smiles softly before he takes the piece in his mouth. It's flakey and sweet, very good though and Kyungsoo is watching Jongin with a cautious stare to gage his reaction.

"I-Is it okay?" Kyungsoo squeaks.

Jongin smiles slowly before he finally nods happily and compliments Kyungsoo on the pastry, almost as though he knew Kyungsoo had made them. Which he did.

"I love it."

Kyungsoo feels himself smile and a faint blush creep up on his cheeks. "Thank you. I-I'm glad you like them." He's not sure why but he suddenly feels warm and a little dizzy with the way Jongin is staring at him. It's not bad he thinks, it's not a lustful stare but it's not sad either. He can't tell and the thought makes him uneasy, almost. Kyungsoo climbs off Jongin's lap and runs to the kitchen, giving some lame excuse about how he's gonna grab something to drink.

Once he's in the kitchen, his rapidly-beating heart settles a bit but his face is still red. He's not sure why but he feels a warm feeling in his stomach when he thinks of how Jongin was just looking at him. He shakes it off though, it's probably something he ate that caused him an upset stomach.

 

Some days later and the funny feeling has resurfaced in his stomach. He's watching a movie with Jongin in the living room, his back is pressed against Jongin's chest and they're covered in a warm blanket. Kyungsoo doesn't think much of it at first but as the movie continues, Jongin's touches begin to feel too warm. One of Jongin's hand lingers on Kyungsoo's thigh while the other is hanging off of Kyungsoo's waist. Kyungsoo isn't paying attention to the movie anymore, but he hears Jongin's laughter in reaction to the comedy and he feels dizzy again. The touches are too much, yet at the same time not enough.

Kyungsoo frowns before he repositions himself on the couch so he's seated next to Jongin.

Jongin looks away from the movie for a moment and he blinks at Kyungsoo. "Are you okay?"

Kyungsoo looks physically nervous. He's biting his lips and fiddeling with his fingers as though he has something to say.

"Soo?" Jongin tilts his head, about to speak again when Kyungsoo finds the courage.

"-I'm going to try something, okay?" His hands are shaking as he balls them and fists the hem of his shirt, as though to pull it down. He takes a breath before he leans towards Jongin and presses his lips against the latter's full lips. The kiss is soft and sweet, just like Kyungsoo intended. He pulls away, not feeling any less dizzy but instead with flushed cheeks and a hint of vulnerableness in his eyes. He feels nervous and it's weird but not a bad feeling, Kyungoo thinks. He waits a few seconds before he leans in for another chaste kiss.

Jongin doesn't say anything, he only kisses Kyungsoo with an equal sense of purity and hopes the latter knows how much he's waited for this moment.

They stay silent for a while, both pairs of eyes still closed and lips only centimeters away. Kyungsoo breaks the silence first with a breathless, "I love you too, Jongin." He knows it took him a long time to say it back, but he's thankful Jongin never pushed him to say it.

 

When the movie finishes, Jongin carries a sleeping Kyungsoo back to their bedroom. They sleep a little closer together that night, much to Jongin's relief.

* * *

Kyungsoo has been a pleasure to work with while at the bakery. Not once has he rebeled or been distracted since he began working again. But today is different, because it's been a few weeks since he told Jongin he loved him and Jongin has been very hopelessly head over heels trying to shower Kyungsoo with affection and attention. He's on his break when he checks his phone, finding a message from Jongin telling him to hurry home once he's done with work because he has a surprise for him. The text has him checking the clock for the last few hours of his shift, too excited to get home.

So once the clock strikes six in the afternoon, he's gone and out the door.

 

He's a little nervous when he finally approaches the apartment door, but that doesn't stop him from entering. He's about to run inside but stops in his tracks when he sees a nicely set up dining table and Jongin leaning against the table with a nice light blue button-up shirt, tucked in the waist line of his long khaki pants. Kyungsoo hears a faint, and soft, melody coming from the living room and he can tell the song is in another language. He isn't fluent, but Kyungsoo knows enough English to understand what the lyrics 'You're the reason I come home' mean and his breath is caught in his throat.

He looks at the decoration and wonders what possessed Jongin to do something so grand for _him_. His eyes finally make it to Jongin again and he locks eyes with Jongin for a second before the latter begins to walk towards him.

"Welcome home," Jongin smiles and leans in kiss Kyungsoo on the forehead.

Kyungsoo doesn't know what to say, so he doesn't say anything for a while. He's baffled and feels like he's stepped into the wrong genre of story, because he isn't supposed to be this happy. He isn't supposed to get the prince and the nice dinners. He doesn't belong.

But all those thoughts fade away when Jongin tells him how much he loves him, and lets his hands linger over Kyungsoo's at random times throughout dinner.

 

Once they finish the dinner Jongin had prepared himself, they spend a little time talking out on the balcony. Jongin finally tells Kyungsoo of his offer to work with Kim Minseok, a famous Southern Korean director, on an independent film. He's still debating on whether he has the time because of final exams, but Kyungsoo is sure to encourage Jongin to do what he feels is best. Kyungsoo also tells Jongin of his recent applications to nearby universities, but he hopes to be re-admitted to his previous school.

Jongin is happy Kyungsoo is finally telling him things again, open and honest like before. He also enjoys hearing of Kyungsoo's experiences at the bakery and how he's finally learned to make all the pastries.

They settle into a comfortable silence after a while and Jongin is just looking at Kyungsoo, whos spacing out as he looks at the city lights and busy nightlife.

Jongin interupts the silence with his soft voice, "May I have a dance?" He extends his hand for the other to take.

Kyungsoo looks at Jongin, a little confused before he smiles and takes the hand in his. He's pulled into a gental embrace and a steady hand finds his waist while the other is still holding onto his own.

He feels a little silly because he can't dance very well and knows Jongin has taken a few dance classes in the past. But he relaxes and follows Jongin's lead as they dance to the rather slow-paced soft rock song.

 

They dance for a while, and Kyungsoo can feel Jongin's stares every once and a while. He finally finds the courage to look at Jongin, and he feels himself blush when their eyes meet for a breif moment. Kyungsoo glances between Jongin's lips and Jongin's eyes and he takes a sharp inhale in before he leans in to kiss Jongin softly. And then again, a little more needy the second time and they stop dancing but stay in each other's arms.

His heart is beating a little faster and he feels Jongin's hand on his jawline as he deepens the kiss. For the first time all night, Kyungsoo doesn't feel like he doesn't belong. He doesn't feel undeserving or useless. He feels completely elated and content in Jongin's arms. Everything feels right and he can only hope this moment lasts forever.

Kyungsoo is the first person to make a move towards their bedroom, not once separating from Jongin as they make a crash landing on the bed. He has his arms wrapped around Jongin's neck, pulling him closer until the latter is above him and making careful advances to remove the clothes between them.

Jongin is taking his time, leaving small kisses along Kyungsoo's jawline, neck, and chest. It's almost like his lips know all the places Kyungsoo has been bruised and beaten and soft gesture is healing every single wound anew. Kyungsoo doesn't mind the slow pace, rather grateful than anything because he can feel how much Jongin loves him with how careful he his. Like Kyungsoo is made of glass and could shatter at any second if not taken care of properly.

His lips part when he feels Jongin's lips find his neck again and a hand begins to stroke his length. Kyungsoo's arms are still hanging around Jongin's neck and he doesn't want to let go, but he does anyway when he feels the latter pull away for a second. Jongin returns to his position from before, only to run a hand from Kyungsoo's abdomen to his inner thighs. Kyungsoo shivers at the touch before Jongin looks up at him with a loving, yet hooded and lustful stare. He's lost in latter's eyes for a second until he pulls Jongin back down into some breathy and needy kisses. He still feels chills run down his spine as Jongin's hands run over his body, but he doesn't pull away from Jongin. Not even when he feels a lube-slicked finger slide into his entrance. He only gasps, because it's been a very long while since he's had sex and Jongin's hands aren't necessarily small.

Kyungsoo moans when he feels a second finger slide into him, and then a third, and Jongin is working his fingers so well in Kyungsoo that he feels he could cum from being finger-fucked alone. He whines after a few seconds because he's wanted to this _close_ to Jongin since they met but he never had the courage to say or do anything that would suggest so. "J-Jongin.." his voice is low and alluring and Jongin can't help but love how it sounds coming from Kyungsoo like this. "Please," he begs, "I want you inside of me."

He whines again when he feels Jongin's warm breath on his neck as he chuckles, and then whines again when he feel the fingers slide out of him. Jongin takes another second, about to put on the condom when Kyungsoo stops him. He asks Kyungsoo twice to make sure Kyungsoo is entirely okay with going bare-back, but Kyungsoo assures him he wants all of Jongin- just him. So the latter listens to Kyungsoo's wishes and instead lathers his cock with lube.

Jongin kisses Kyungsoo on the lips before he presses the head of his cock at Kyungsoo's entrance. He feels one of Kyungsoo's hands on his abdomen as he deepens the kiss, trying to distract Kyungsoo of any potentional pain he might feel. It almost works, but Kyungsoo pulls away from the kiss and lets out breathy moans as he feels himself stretch around Jongin's length. It's not that he hasn't been fucked by other males with big cocks, but Jongin has to be the biggest he's had in a long time- and he keeps the thought to himself because he doesn't want to ruin what's between them in the here and now. He swallows a bit of spit before he nods at Jongin to keep going.

Kyungsoo buries his face in Jongin's neck after a while to hide the tears that had begun to run down his cheeks. He's not sad, just bittersweet because this is what he's wanted for so long and he wishes he didn't have to had gone through a deep pit of depression and self harm to get what he wanted. He feels wanted and loved and it causes a litle sense of panic in his heart because he feels the moment already fleeting. Like something bad will happen and undo all the good months he's had recently, with Jongin by his side.

Some things will never change, he thinks.

Jongin stops when he notices Kyungsoo's crying and he looks panicked and scared like he's hurt the love of his life. "Baby, what's wrong? Did I hurt you?" He cups Kyungsoo's face in his palms and Kyungsoo just keeps letting tears fall from his eyes.

He shakes his head and smiles, "N-No. I'm just....I'm happy." Kyungsoo sees Jongin physically relax again and it pains him to lie right to Jongin's face. He knows he should tell Jongin everything on his mind, but he doesn't and knows he won't. Some things will never change, he thinks again.

 

Jongin makes love to Kyungsoo the rest of the night, and there's nothing but whiny moans and breathy 'I love you's sounding the apartment sans the creak from the bed as it hits the wall repeatedly.

Kyungsoo is the last to fall asleep, analyzing Jongin's sharp features with the small bit of moonlight that enters the room. He curls into Jongin's chest and cries himself to sleep as he thinks of the possible recoil and relapse to near.

* * *

Kyungsoo is thankful when nothing bad happens in the few weeks after he and Jongin had sex. Jongin isn't needy either, he lets Kyungsoo he the first to initate everything because he wants to make sure Kyungsoo wants it too. And he also wants to make sure the latter is ready and doesn't feel pressured. Kyungsoo is very thankful.

But of course, just when Kyungsoo feels like everything will be okay, it's not.

He's curled up on the couch with Jongin, whos reading a book and has an arm wrapped around the smaller's waist. Kyungsoo wants to tell Jongin that he's scared. He wants to tell Jongin that Chanyeol come into the bakery one day and hasn't stopped coming around since he found out Kyungsoo worked there. Kyungsoo wants to tell Jongin that he's noticed someone follow him home for the past few nights, but the words are caught up in his throat and he doesn't want to alarm Jongin because everything is okay- on the surface.

 

It's not until a week later that Kyungsoo begins to receive flowers at work and home with attached postcards that say 'thinking of you -CY'. He throws it all away before Jongin gets home, because he knows Jongin is happy and he doesn't want to ruin that.

One day he receives a text message from an unidentifiable number that reads 'I love your blue shirt today Soo....I would love it even better off of you ;)'. He isn't panicked, not yet, not until he looks down and sees a blue shirt hanging off his petite frame. Because he's in the bedroom, how could anyone have seen him if he was in the bedroom and has been all day. Kyungsoo wants to panic and run out of the apartment and to the cafe, where Jongin has been today, but he doesn't. He pretends like he didn't read the text and reaches over to the nightstand for his book, just then he gets another text. 'Don't ignore me, Soo. Take. It. Off.' he reads and he gulps, wanting to cry. But he's tired. He's tired of being scared and he wants to fight this time. He wants to _live_ , he realizes.

Kyungsoo doesn't bother responding to the the text, but simply voices a, "No."

Things are quiet for a while and he holds his breath. He receives a text a minute later that reads 'you're gonna regret this, Kyungsoo'. Kyungsoo just scoffs because intimidation doesn't work on him anymore. He has the voice to tell anyone he doesn't want to get away from him and most importantly he has the voice to say he wants to live.

Jongin doesn't come home that night, but Kyungsoo doesn't realize that since he's dozed off and doesn't wake up until ten in the morning the next day. He assumes Jongin had an early start today and he probably won't see Jongin until late night because he works a longer shift tonight.

It's not until he receives a text that night which leaves an unsettling feeling in his stomach. 'Missing something, Soo?' a text message reads and he's scared. Kyungsoo runs home but he doesn't see Jongin in the living room, nor kitchen or bedroom. He's not there. All Kyungsoo can do is cry, because he doesn't know what to do. He just wants Jongin there so he can tell him everything and Jongin can give him advice on what to do. He's crying on his knees of the bedroom floor when he hears footsteps behind him and his heart feels like it's stopped. He doesn't want to turn around because he knows it's not Jongin and he knows he's fucked up.

"You should really learn to be more careful, Soo. Leaving the door wide open like that, an intruder could break in."

Kyungsoo doesn't need to turn around to know who it is or see a smirk pulling a side of the man's lips, because he _knows_.

"Look at me," the deep voice sounds through Kyungsoo's ears and it makes his head hurt. "I said look at me." The voice is louder this time and it makes Kyungsoo flinch, but he has to remember he's not scared anymore. He has to remember of his desire to fight.

He stands up, slowly and finally turns to look at Chanyeol. "Where is Jongin?" his voice is calm aside from the small glint of hopelessness as though he already knew the answer to the question.

"You don't need to worry about him anymore, Soo. You have me now." He smiles warmly, but there's nothing but emptiness in his eyes. "Aren't you happy to see me?" He steps foreward and Kyungsoo steps further away. Chanyeol grimaces at the act, "So ungrateful you are. I think I'm going to have to teach you a lesson, Soo." He steps forward again but Kyungsoo doesn't have enough time to get away before Chanyeol has a tight grip on his wrist.

Kyungsoo tries his best to get away from Chanyeol's trap but he can't and he ends up on his back on the bed. His head hit the headboard when he fell so he feels his head throb, but he never stops yelling at Chanyeol to get off him and bring him Jongin. He's shushed with tight grips on his arms and neck, feeling all too familiar for his taste. Chanyeol keeps calling Kyungsoo his dirty slut and makes sure to ram into Kyungsoo without any proper lubrication, like he wants Kyungsoo to feel the burn in his ass.

Chanyeol smiles when Kyungsoo seems to have finally given up and does nothing but cry as he's fucked on the bed that him and Jongin shared.

 

Chanyeol makes sure to finish on Kyungsoo's face when he cums, and Kyungsoo doesn't have the energy to get up from the bed after the latter is done. He lays bleeding and crying on the sheets, and he doesn't try to cover himself. Chanyeol's words ringing in his ears about him being a worthless piece of shit and that's all he hears. Not Jongin's soft laugh or sweet words. He doesn't feel Jongin's warm breath on his neck, but instead the cold breeze from the room hit his naked form.

Kyungsoo doesn't say anything as Chanyeol leaves the tv on in the living room, loud enough so Kyungsoo can hear of breaking news.

"This just in, an unidentifiable male found washed up on the shore of Nakdong River. Police are still trying to find information on this man, so if you have any information please call the number located on the bottom of the screen..."

Kyungsoo begins to cry again, and he finally sits up from the bed despite the burn in his ass. He reaches over the nightstand and pulls out a box. It's not decorated, nor does the lock work but Kyungsoo looks at it through glossy eyes as though it's a sight for sore eyes.

He unwraps the blade from the cloth and doesn't waste time as he applies a heavy pressure against his arm. He makes sure to cut along the vein as he cries harder, because without Jongin by his side to help him, he has nothing. No reason to keep going.

He's not warm anymore as he stops cutting himself because a lot of blood is oozing out of his arms now. He takes a sharp inhale and closes his eyes because he's alone. He has no one.

Somethings never change.


	2. PSA

Hello! It's been a cool minute, I'm aware, but I realized recently that I never mentioned somethings that were very important.

This story is heavily based in very triggering and unhealthy themes. These include depression, self harm, suicidal tendencies, toxic behavior, rape, non-con, and manipulation. I'd like to discuss them for anyone who is dealing or has dealt with mental illness and/or experienced any of those mentioned above. Below I'm going to list some hotlines for anyone who is struggling, but before I do I wanted to say a couple of things that I hope helps in some way or another.

**You are not broken. There is nothing wrong with you for suffering from a mental illness.**

You are human. Mental illnesses have no one-quick-fix. Everyone is different from one another. What might work for someone else, might not work for you, but please remember you are worth love, care, and health all around you but especially within yourself. If you find yourself in a toxic environment that makes it hard for you to remember your self-worth, please try your best to tough it out. You. Will. Be. Worth. The. Wait. When you're able to, find a way to remove yourself from a toxic situation/enviornment.

**Self harm is very serious.**

I cannot stress enough how much you should really try all your options (i.e. reaching out to a friend, family, counselor and therapist, calling hotlines or using text-hotline services, venting be that writing out your feelings, plus many more). People are willing to help. The only thing you need to do is reach out. Once you've accepted you need help or guidance then the true help can begin.

**Suicide is not the answer to 'fix' your problems.**

Again, there are so many options when seeking help. It may not be so easy to see, because mental illnesses are still taboo among common society to speak of, but resources are out there. I will list some below, but if you find you're not ready to talk to someone yet then I emplore you to find a way to channel your energy into something positive or steady. If you can't find it in yourself to write out your feelings or utilize your pain into dance or music, maybe even reading, then please take steps towards selfcare. Set reminders for yourself to drink water, to clean your space, to shower, to eat, to excersie (even just walking), to do your homework, and to even have scheduled freetime. It's hard to find the motivation to do these things when you're depressed, but that doesn't change how important they are. When you're ready, please reach out to someone.

**If you know of someone who is struggling with a mental illness, please remember it is not your fault.**

My guess is many of you might have friends whom struggle with the same thing or know of someone who does. You might even find it easy to help them by being encouraging or supportive, but not so much with yourself. Although helping others may be a great, please try to take some of the energy you spend on others and channel it towards yourself, too. You are worth the love, just as much as they are.

 

**You have every right to say 'no' at any point of any encounter.**

If you ever decide to consent to something, please remember that you have the right to change your mind. You don't have to go through with something you are not comfortable with. The person or people you decide to be in any encounter with should respect your decision and if they don't then they are the wrong people to be around. No one should make you feel like you're wrong for saying 'no' and no one should make you feel bad about yourself for saying 'no.' Your body is your own and you're allowed to decide who or who does not touch you.

**No one can help you if you don't want to help yourself.**

Getting help can feel very difficult, and the road to recovery can be rocky, but you have to want to get better. When you want to get better, you might not be able to get better on your own, it's okay to ask for help. It's okay to reach out to someone.

**If you feel hopeless or lonely, even with support from those around you or not, please know there are places to talk to people beyond your circle that will not judge you. They will listen.**

**Hotlines**

**U.S. National Suicide Hotline** 1-800-273-8255 / [chat](https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/chat/) (you just need to enter your zipcode and accept the terms and conditions) / also availble in spanish 1-888-627-9454 / options for deaf/hard-hearing 1-800-799-4889

[ **Suicide Prevention Lifeline Website**](https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/) Provides specific resources based on your needs, tips on helping yourself, tips on helping others, stories on recovery, as well as (but not limited to) resources to the best professional practices

 **Trevor Project (for LGBTQ+ youth)**  1-866-488-7386

 **Trans Lifeline**  877-565-8860

 **Depression Hotline**  1-630-482-9696

 **Rape and Sexual Assault**  1-800-656-4673

 **Grief Support**  1-650-321-5272

 **Self Harm**  1-800-366-8288

 **Argentina** +5402234930430

<http://www.familiardesuicida.com.ar/>

**Australia** 131114 

<http://www.lifeline.org.au/>

**Austria** 017233374

<http://www.telefonseelsorge.at/>

**Belgium** 106

<http://www.tele-onthaal.be/>

**Botswana** 3911270

 **Brazil** 212339191

<http://www.buddy-project.org/hotlines/#>

**Canada** 18662773553 (outside of montreal)

<http://www.crisiscentre.bc.ca/>

**Montreal** 5147234000

 **Croatia** 014833888

 **Denmark** +4570201201

<http://www.livslinien.dk/>

**Egypt** 7621602

 **Finland** 010 195 202

<http://www.mll.fi/nuortennetti>

**France** 0145394000

 **Germany** 08001810771

<http://www.sos-amitie.org/>

**Holland** 09000767

 **Hong Kong** +852 2382 0000

 **India** 8888817666

<http://www.mpa.org.in/>

**Ireland** +4408457909090

<http://www.samaritans.org/>

**Italy** 800860022

<http://www.telefonoamico.it/>

**Japan** +810352869090

 **Mexico** 5255102550

 **New Zealand** 045861048

<http://www.lifeline.org.nz/>

**Norway** +4781533300

<http://www.kirkens-sos.no/>

**Philippines** 028969191

 **Poland** 5270000

 **Russia** 0078202577577

 **Spain** 914590050

 **South Africa** 0514445691

 **Sweden** 46317112400

 **Switzerland** 143

 **United Kingdom** 08457909090

 **Depression Alliance**  0845 123 23 20

 **Rape Crisis Centre**  01708 765200

 **Rape/sexual assault**  0808 8000 123 (female) or 0808 8000 122 (male)

[ **A Personal Experience With A Hotline**](https://themighty.com/2017/09/suicide-hotline-what-happened/) What to expect


	3. a/n: almost is getting an au/part two!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I want y'alls feedback!

Hello! After some deliberation and rethinking I have decided to make a second part to this oneshot. Not necessarily making it a twoshot, because it will be an au of its own. (more like an alternate ending if anything.) I will be revisiting more backstory, among more things I would like to elaborate on. So, please, if y'all have anything you want addressed in this fic let me know through the comments and I will try my best to work them into the story. Happy reading!

**Author's Note:**

> Oh my gosh. I'm so sorry.
> 
> i'm terrible. kbye. comments, and thoughts are appreciated. ♥☕


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